WEAVING MY PRESENT WITH MY PAST- The Cinderella Moment!

This is about the six months I spent in India last year. It was my home coming in a way as I was away for a good six years..! I don't know if it was lucky or unlucky; its quite hard to decide considering that a lot of things happened during those six months in India; but it was a soulful journey....

I was weaving my present with my past! There are not many adjectives to describe the experience but the closest choice would be -' resonant'!Long six years just spiralled into oblivion when I first set foot back there...it was just pure bliss! The sights, sounds and smells that were hidden away somewhere deep in my mind , all came back. I cast a glimpse out of the window as the wheels of the flight touched the ground and there was a buzz of adrenaline just sitting there...watching the lushness speeding past me as we were taxiing around the runaway!

I knew it...this was the moment I had long waited for, but just quite never happened the way I wanted ...but nevertheless having that moment a touch or step away from me was exhilarating!

You know its funny; when I was on my flight going to UK in 2000 one of the first things that sent up bubbles of excitement inside my head was how wonderful it would feel to return home after graduation, smelling of sweet success all over! Not just that, I even had this mental image of me landing in a pinstripe power suit and when I walked past peoples jaws dropped in awe!Ah, the teenage dream bubbles, they busted easy as it didn't take me long to figure out that success doesnt really have to be dressed in a power suit and isn't always awe inspiring! So ' Pop' went the bubbles!

But despite having realized all that, despite having all the little big things life threw my way; despite having problems that made me realize I may well not see my country for a long time yet, I kept dreaming and that still remained the moment I would give anything for, the moment when I will feel I have made my family proud, the moment my parents would whisper' thats my daughter!'; despite all , that remained my Cinderella moment!

UNWANTED CHARACHTERS

An attempt to portray the war victims who never make it to the headlines,but live silently punishing themselves!

Streets spilled war .
Fear lurked everywhere.
Unfamiliar eyes prayed for help,
Unknown hearts pleaded for mercy.
This is the land of unrest where,
each corner,screamed a story.
Story untold by the newspapers
Stories that never quite made it to the headlines
Some stories that were forgotten,
some others deliberately abandoned!

Story of a boy who is limbless now
His leg was blown by a bomb
Of course ,it was only an accident !
The army had made a ‘Silly’ mistake
He does not go to school today.
He does not chase a kite or play in the field.
He works in the matchstick factory,
His dreams crushed under his own weight
As he drags around his torso,
remains that was spared in the ‘mistake’!

Story of that girl who doesn’t smile anymore
She was only seven when she found her parents lying dead in her house
Red coagulated in her eyes, the coldness spread into her mind
She heard that last dreaded cry of her sister from the courtyard
As she leapt out her last breath struggling in the arms of the stranger.
She doesnt speak, she doesnt smile,she doesnt even complain
Her smiles have faded into unknown, her tears frozen
She doesn’t live, she only breathes,
Breathes as a mistake of Fate!

There is also the story of a man whose family was killed
Before his own eyes-his wife shot in the head
And two children strangled
Have those images faded from his mind?
He still works in the army
He still works there everyday
Never questions why,
He too is living by, living a life to wake up to work in the day
And Sleep to wake up to work again and never question anything ever!

The woman who is mindless,
Who lives alone in the eerie ruins of a mosque
Staring at blank skies in the morning, eyes still, mouth open,
her countenance expressionless.
She screams the whole night in fear ,frantically
perhaps fear of memories…fear of darkness or of life itself
Her son killed his own sisters a year ago
For no apparent reasons .
She too lives, an existence, as one of the numbers in the demography department!


What do these people see?
What do they hear?
Dark corners whispering to the fading shadows?
Mysterious aloofness lurking beneath the soil ?
Deserts flashing before eyes, sandless duneless deserts…
and then vanishing under the starless moonless sky?
Mirages drowning into the silence,making way for more stillness?
What goes on in their minds?
What makes them one among us,The living?
I wonder!

No one speaks but the stillness
No one complains but the shadows
This is the Land of colourless vision,soundless speeches
Where Life ebbs into the hollow of fear
People are born in silence and die therein
This is the land of umpteen stories
Land where the world choses the story they want
There are people living here too...but...
their stories are never written nor told
They are the unwanted characters of an unborn story!

OUR JOURNEY- In memory of Achan on his 6th Death Anniversary-

We set out on a journey together
through time ,through destiny and through life!
We set out to reveal the meaning together, but,
it was abandoned when you left!

I followed every footstep of yours...
I followed them with precision and reverence
And each time I stepped into your footstep
It was a revelation;I felt humbled at how small i am...


I chased every cloud you chased...
And like you made me promise...I trusted the wind...
Trusted the wind to take me to the silver cloud!
And when I found it..to no surprise...your footsteps were on it too!

I dreamt every dream you painted me
I dreamt them in colours of love and strength;
except one...that remain undone to this day..
as the wind spilled ink on it the day you left!


I thought my journey ceased, as there were no footstep....
I thought of you and I wept with my face in the sand...!
Heat of the sand screamed on my face..and...
Tears dried before they formed; they died even before they were born!

I blamed myself, I cursed myself...
and lifted my face from the sand...I looked around...
and i found...the desert was empty without you..
and I felt alone, very alone for the very first time!

I got up and prepared to go back...
When I noticed something in the sand...that looked familiar,
They were your footsteps;footsteps that you left behind..
That you left for me...before you left!

I cried and cried until next dawn,oblivious of all,
and tears streamed from my eyes,and touched the earth ..
the sand was wet finally;each grain listened to my sorrow,
the wind stopped around me too with concern; i didnt feel alone any more!

I realised then,The journey didnt stop after you left
i didnt go back and surrender to fate!
I realised you were there in the oblivion watchin over me,
you never left the journey, you just got there faster!

You left me your trail to reach you,
And I follow with carefullness..Not to disturb a grain of sand...
I look back and see our journey so far...undisturbed by elements
Lying there to tell our story to a time unknown,story of our journey!

I still am following in your footstep,
everytime feeling humbler..
i still chase the cloud and paint your dream...
everytime felling closer..


I feel your presence in every sand..
and every cloud that I chase...
the wind i trust tells me too
that i will meet you soon again!

You live in my journey...and I promise i will go on..
i will defeat the elements and fate ...
I promise to finish that undone painting too...
Finish it in colours that you dreamt of!

And after all the struggle, When i reach the end of my journey,
i know you will be there waiting for me...
After a rough journey, When I complete every dream of yours..
I know you will be there with open arms and your loving smile!